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  • Jenn

Gimme an A for All is well



I like to walk a balance between simply observing my handwriting and deciding when it’s appropriate to make some changes.


I’ve loved observing how the letter “A” plays out in the world. Vimala Rodgers correlates it with how the ego is displayed in the world and the level of comfort with the writer’s self-image.


I’ve seen some strange configurations that correlate with unusual personalities on display. I’ve left mine alone for the most part because it’s such a strong one to adjust. How you present to the world is not a superficial change.


In Human Design terms, the center I’d primarily correlate it to is the G Center. How does your identity display in the world? Is it changeable (undefined G) or is it consistent (defined G)? I’d also look to Gate 46 as to comfort with the body.


My “A” used to be angular (sharp personality, more masculine, can be biting), regressive (defensive, past-oriented), and nearly impossible to read (difficult to understand me and for me to communicate because I’m so in my head, also can mean you’re really in a rush). This makes total sense for a recovered anorexic with serious control issues.


I made some changes awhile ago so that it flowed more smoothly and came across more clearly. Then, I stepped back and left things alone.


I wanted to make a bigger shift in how I come across in my business. I’ve been seeing how much resistance I have to fully showing up as a 3/5. The Heretic paranoia is real, as is the Martyr fear of getting it wrong. They culminate in an almost Hermit-like desire to just shut the world away.


I’m a little over 2 years into my de-conditioning experiment in Human Design. I noticed things shifting at 18 months, but the 2-year mark has been a butt-kicker. I’ve been brought to my knees a couple of times. There is so much I thought I could be in charge of that my mind really cannot. It’s humbling.

As a Quad Right, I thought I already had a handle on how much we have to surrender. But, every time I think I’ve reached the core, another layer is revealed. I’ve been falling deeply into my spiritual practices to move through it.

In the midst of that chaos, I’d forgotten about my a’s altogether. There has been so much emotional de-conditioning going on, I didn’t have the energy to fret about my handwriting.

Then, without worrying about it or trying to control or change it, I was surprised and delighted to see my small “a” undergo a renovation. I wasn’t focused on it. I wasn’t looking for it. And, I certainly wasn’t expecting it.

Writing out my grocery list, there it was…something as unusual and distinctive as I’m designed to be. It’s easy and it flows and it stands out in just the right way. It’s also what I would expect to see for a cautious 3/5—there’s an umbrella-like formation to provide cover and security for the unusual personality on display.

My big “A” has moved a bit, too, as has the rest of my writing to accommodate the new expression. That small “a,” though, means a lot to me. It’s the difference between cleaning your house right before company comes over vs. keeping a tidy house all the time so that company coming over is no big deal. It’s the day-to-day expression. It’s starting small and deep so that changes will ripple outward.


It was really interesting to see that when that “a” shifted, things shifted in the outer world, too. Things began to open. Opportunities started to flow. I still have to do my spiritual work to clear blocks to abundance and receiving and being seen and sharing my gifts. But, things are moving.


If you’re interested in handwriting and grapho-therapy, Vimala Rodgers’ “Your Handwriting Can Change Your Life!” is a gem that I keep at hand in my office. It’s really well laid out, interesting for a professional and yet clear enough for a newbie. I learned about it via Louise Hay.


I love how simply she walks through the significance of each letter. She also has a great recommendation to turn your paper on its side—to flip the script, as it were. Tell your brain something new is up. Get it to pay attention in a different way.


I do issue a caveat, though, with anyone wanting to make changes to their writing. It will change you. You have to be prepared for it.

I’m careful when people want to make changes. It’s part of being a grapho-therapist to make changes responsibly, making sure that the personality can accommodate it. It’s why I studied psychology so intensively. Otherwise, you end up playing whack-a-mole because the defense mechanism has just popped up somewhere else.


When I was going through analyst training, I heard the story of a student who had a marker for something he wanted to change. He went about making a conscious shift. Within 2 weeks, 2 counter-indicators had popped up in his writing. He was playing whack-a-mole because the underlying issue hadn’t been resolved, only masked. And, he had made it stronger in his personality because the change had engendered so much resistance. It would take more work to untangle it.


There, caveat has been issued. Now, go out and have some fun. Explore, play, test things out. See what it’s like to move the needle a bit. Discover the boundaries of your comfort zone and feel into what it’s like to stick a toe outside of it.


Shine on,

Jenn.

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