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  • Jenn

The heavy weight of projection

Updated: Jul 11



Beautiful tulips drooping

A woman with a 5th Line body goes to a coffee shop to get some work done on her novel. As a Triple Split, she’s not there to meet anyone, only to let the public aura do its thing…she wants to benefit from being hooked up in various ways as she seeks to tap into inspiration.


In the process of lifting her matcha for a sip, her gaze glances—and I mean glances, as in a millisecond—past a man. He’s been waiting to catch her attention and takes that as his cue.


He approaches her hungrily, and she’s frustrated because she doesn’t see herself as emitting any sexual signals. She’s been working through writer’s block and the current is finally beginning to flow. The last thing she wants to deal with is some cheesy pick up line while she’s clearly trying to get work done. She shuts him down, cold and hard.


He snaps back that she was obviously interested and it’s her fault for sending a mixed signal. They were in each other’s auras for less than two minutes, but it takes a while for the impact to dissipate.


What really happened?


While the 1st Line is what the hexagram is about, the 5th is its dream. This gets sticky when it comes to sex and bonding. Those carrying 5th Line bodies are continually putting out a sexual bonding strategy of seduction. This is where we create our fantasies of romance and courting and seducing and being seduced.


Now, just because you’re carrying that genetic role Gate does not mean that you’re available for it, let alone interested in it. Strategy & Authority are paramount and priceless.


Understanding it, though, can go a long way to clearing up misunderstandings.


…I’ve had men and women think I was flirting with them my whole life.


…If there’s a group gathered, I’m the one who receives the comment about my appearance.


…I’ve had bizarre encounters like someone telling me years after a party that she remembered me because of my hair. I never even spoke to or saw her.


…I also get expectations that I’ll be the best at something…it’s expected that I’ll be an exemplary student, that my work will be spotless, and even that I can go deeper in therapy than a typical client.


...I’m rushed very often because people expect me to just knock it out of the park right away.


I carry seven 5th Lines, so my aura is doing a lot of projecting. I can’t tell you how often I’ve found myself thinking, “I’m a person.”


It’s taught in Human Design that a 5th Line can never truly be seen. The projection field is like living in a mist. No matter how much I do my best to explain myself or share what’s going on with me, I never really know what’s getting through.


Like I said, I’ve been living with this all my life. Deconditioning has really been helping me on the path so that I’m not hijacked by my open Ego into believing that I need to prove myself, to live up to someone else’s expectations or dream of me. As a 3/5, I’ve made some fantastic messes doing that.


I got smacked with it recently, though.


I was on a Zoom with colleagues yesterday. We haven’t all been together in a while and it was exciting for the gang to be reunited. The one who was supposed to be the authority figure made a comment about my appearance. In this Me-Too age where people should know better, camouflaging a comment about my attractiveness into something that seems benign isn’t enough. The vibe still gets through.


I was knocked off center, it was awkward, and it made me feel separated from the group in a not-so-good way. And, I was really disappointed in myself because I was immediately my mother’s child who covered for the man so as not to make him uncomfortable.


It wasn’t ok, though. I woke up with some small pimples on both of my cheeks—past and present were irritated and angry at a feeling of powerlessness—and my back slipped out of alignment in the middle, like I had closed my heart too quickly and it was causing discomfort.


I noticed the bodily symptoms before the mental ones because that not-self mental chatter is sneaky and slipped into my mind noise before I had realized it.


So, as a metaphysician who is supposed to be spiritual and helping others, what did I do?


First, I gave myself grace. Just because I've been going through this forever doesn't mean it's easy. I've been working on setting boundaries and learning to listen to myself and what I really want over what others want me to do. Some type of confrontation was likely inevitable so I could burn away the dross.


I already knew what the sudden bodily issues signified and where and what the anger was about. Otherwise, I would have looked them up and tuned in to see if they were true for me. If not, I would have inquired until I found the core issue. Tapping can be a great resource in this.


If my mind was going to chatter on, I gave it a purpose. I kept saying to myself, over and over and over, “I forgive __ completely.” And, because I was also mad at myself for not knowing how to handle the situation (Gate 10 turning inward), I added, “I forgive myself completely.”


I did it ad nauseam and then I kept doing it some more.


A friend I trust completely was kind enough to let me talk through it. Writing about it is also part of that healing.


It’s never about what it’s about. Some unconscious person making a remark about my appearance—even if it’s a compliment—triggered what needed to be dealt with in me. Our outer world is always showing us our inner world. It’s a spiral where you continually meet yourself.


I also don’t think it’s a coincidence that I was drawn to return to my metaphysics research that evening. My natal astrological chart has an inordinate amount of energy in the 3rd House…my thinking really affects my experience. If I don’t get my mind in line, it runs roughshod over me.


How can this help you?


If you’re a 5th Line body, be gentle with yourself. It’s never your fault. Other people read what they want to, especially if they’re unconscious. Trust your Strategy & Authority the best you can to help you navigate out of those uncomfortable situations. And, if you don’t do as well as you’d hope, let it be a learning experience where you can better understand yourself and what you need.


Regardless of your Profile, look to your body for clues about what’s bothering you. It’s always going to show up somewhere. Louise Hay is a lifesaver in this type of work. I get that affirmations don’t magically make everything better right away. They do, though, keep your mind engaged so you can begin to elevate your frequency. You can’t keep splashing around in a puddle of mud and wonder why you aren’t getting clean.


The projection field is kind of like a field of tulips, beautiful, but eventually drooping under the weight. You have to learn to carry yourself. Let your body lead you. Trust the grace and magic of your path that only you can walk.


Shine on,

Jenn.

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