I’ve had two quotes about the impossible becoming possible running through my head…the one from ST:TNG and this one:
“All things are possible, my dear, it’s simply a matter of your being able to do them.”
Two completely different shows and yet they’re both about how as we grow and evolve, we step into who we can be. Our resources expand because we’ve expanded. Our horizons shift. The universe rises to meet us.
I wrote about how that relationship ending has been difficult. There were some things that were still bothering me about how my partner behaved and my mind wouldn’t let go.
I’m a big believer in shadow work and how we project our wounds onto others. Lying in bed last night, I finally had the fortitude to be able to aim my laser at myself. I could see how the things I’d been judging in him were things that I had done in my past.
I was justifying my condemnation because we’re old enough to know better. But, are we really? Isn’t everything just a matter of degrees? We do better when we know better. And, our lessons aren’t always linear.
When I got through to that center, I could see that I had attracted a version of myself so I could learn to forgive it. As I was able to release it, I dropped my fears and worries that something was wrong with me, that I wouldn’t find love, that I had a faulty partner-picker.
If what A Course in Miracles talks about is true—that there’s really only one of us here—I’m meeting myself everywhere. So are you. It’s all a reflection.
For months, it felt impossible that I’d be able to forgive, that I’d be able to trust myself again. And then, there it was.
It reminded me of the pulse in Individual Circuitry in the BodyGraph…it’s not there until suddenly it is. You can’t force the evolution.
As a Generator, I was making things worse by marinating in my frustration. And, my body was screaming at me. I chose to break the pattern. I took some time away from my office, my phone, and my to-do list. I did simple, mundane art projects that let me relax. I wasn’t trying to accomplish anything other than to enjoy the process. I needed to sit with myself in peace.
It wasn’t fast (of course, even that, my mind wants to control). I had to surrender to letting my nervous system unclench. As I got out of the noise of all the things I wasn’t doing, my body finally started to relax. Last night was the a-ha I’d been looking for. I had dropped my barriers and my inner spirit could finally reach me. I was able to forgive myself and find some peace in this process.
It’s humbling that after all of my studies and trainings and intense effort that I’ve put into my spiritual journey, it still takes as long as it takes. Every time I think I’ve come so far, I’m met with another layer of resistance. But, you can’t force your way through it…that only adds to the tension. It’s only when we meet ourselves with compassion that we can begin to open up to our higher nature.
Gary Zukav talked about bringing the personality in service to the soul. I’ve made that part of my prayer. How can I move out of my ego into something larger and deeper? How can I anchor into my truth? How can I trust myself and my path?
A lot of the Human Design language about Generators is that we’re here to build, to achieve mastery. We’re designed for the workforce, for productivity. I wonder, though, if maybe the world is a speck brighter because I took care of myself. Maybe spending time on art projects is just as valuable as if I’d done a coaching call or Human Design consultation, or even a Reiki healing session. We can get so focused on the end result that we bypass the process.
That end result looks impossible until you’re far enough along on the path to have built up the skills to achieve it. Things are only impossible until they’re not. It’s simply a matter of your being able to do them.