I’m in Tonya Leigh’s School of Self Image, taking her Wealthy Woman course. I grew up without much money, it didn’t come easy. I’ve cultivated my life based on that fear. No matter what was available to me, I always saw the downside, the places where it could go wrong. I was always braced for impact.
After some tearful tapping this morning, I caught some a-ha’s, that this mindset permeated my life. My relationships, my money, my business, my friendships, my family interactions…all had the underlying tension that they could go away at any moment. Even my health feels unpredictable. Certainly, my weight has been.
I’ve tried obsessive control, I’ve tried to feign indifference, I’ve tried to disassociate. None of it works in the long-term. You meet yourself eventually, no matter how good you are at running away.
It’s all connected.
I can tap on attracting and holding abundance and have a realization about my last relationship.
I can tap on feeling my own fire and desire in my life and have a realization about how I’ve been holding other people accountable for feeding me, when really, it’s my job to nourish myself.
The further I go along this path, the more I see that it’s all metaphysics. It’s all how we are creating our own realities. Way back when, even Shakespeare was writing about this in Hamlet: “I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space.”
I’ve always loved that quote because it gives us agency. No matter the circumstances, we always have the opportunity to tap into love.
A Course in Miracles has a lesson about how “the vision of one world costs you the vision of the other.” There is only love and fear. In every moment, you are choosing.
You can look at your body and bless it, see its beauty, and how it holds you—no matter how much you weigh or what shape you’re in.
You can appreciate your health and thank your body for doing its best—no matter what diagnosis you’re dealing with. Every cell in our body holds the blueprint of life and each cell is oriented towards well-being.
You can look at your bank account and be grateful for what’s there—no matter how much debt you have or how limited your prospects feel.
If your slice of the garden is only 1 square foot right now, do your best with that foot, make it as beautiful as you can. See how well you tend what you have and watch how it grows.
It’s natural for us to do really well in one or two areas and maybe not feel so great in others. For the areas that are working in your life, what are you doing? Are you showing up more fully as yourself? Are you trusting your intuition? Are you seeing your own worthiness?
Place your attention where it feels good. This isn’t about sticking your head in the sand and pretending things are fine when they aren’t. If you’ve gone as far as you can go in your difficult areas, surrender them to the Universe. Ask for help. Then, appreciate what is working.
As you relax into your own grace, you open up to possibilities and you let yourself be led. Your prayer changes from trying to get what you think you want to being open and ready to serve in the highest way for the highest good. You move into joy and trust instead of frustration and fear. The light has a place to enter you.