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  • Jenn

Forgiveness is the ultimate act of self-preservation

I’ve been struggling with hurt feelings over a few things. They cycle through my mind and every time I tell myself the story, I get further upset and I get more entrenched as a victim. I notice that I’m clenching my jaw, that I feel a pulling weight in my belly, that I feel sluggish and tired.

Maybe I’m right to feel the way I do—maybe 100 people would agree with me that the other person is wrong, that it isn’t fair, that it shouldn’t be this way. But, if everything is vibration (and it is), then my identification with the victim story is hurting me.

When we’re upset, we’re resisting acceptance of things as they are. Clinging to how we think they should be only causes pain. The rational mind pipes in here (pretty loudly) to say that if we accept it, we won’t change it. The opposite is actually true. When we accept things as they truly are, when we can observe without attachment to the outcome, we remove our ego, and we are able witness from our spirit. We become quiet enough to hear our soul’s wisdom.

If we can say, “In this moment, I accept things as they are,” we open to guidance on the next right step, the spiritually aligned action that will get us where we really want to be.

But if we let our ego win, if we mire ourselves in anger and resentment, we can’t connect with that voice because we’re drowning it out with our wails of frustration.

Einstein said that you can’t solve a problem on the same level of consciousness that created it. If you identify with a lower-vibration state of anger, resentment, etc., you are missing out on the higher vibe state you really want to be in. The longer you keep yourself in that low-vibe state, the harder it becomes to let it go.

Your subconscious cannot take a joke. It believes what you tell it. If you tell yourself repeatedly that you’ve been wronged, that something isn’t fair, you draw similar vibrations to you and you experience more of what you program for yourself.*

*This is not about pouring pink paint over abuse or systemic injustice and saying everything is fine. It is about getting yourself to a place where you can act from your heart and not your pain.*

So, how does that look?

Think of something/someone that used to anger you but doesn’t hold a charge any longer. What’s different? Maybe it’s because you’re out of that situation, you don’t see him/her/them any longer, you’ve moved on.

How did you get to that point? There was some truth that you stopped resisting. You accepted the person/situation wasn’t going to change. You let go of something…an expectation, a hope, a belief that reality should be something other than what it is.

What did you learn from it? Do you have a tender place where you’re easily triggered? Do you need to give to yourself what you were hoping the other person/situation would do for you? How can you nurture yourself?

When you find yourself caught in the throes of anger and resentment, take a deep breath. Feel what you feel, without telling yourself a story about it. Let your breath move the feelings out of your body. Use your tools: EFT/tapping, journal, meditate, oils and flower essences, mantras (“I choose to forgive and release you to love”), talk to someone who will help you reframe the situation. Then, do something different: go for a walk, take a nap, dance to some music, engage your mind and body in a new way.

Let what happened happen. Feel how you feel. Then release it. Be willing to open your heart to your next step. Keep your focus on how you want to feel, on what you want to bring in.

That’s how you raise your vibration. It’s incremental until suddenly you’re there. The spiritual path is not being above hurt feelings or anger or resentment. It’s about falling down and choosing to get up again and try. Always try. There is such beauty to be found in our tender places. As Rumi says, it’s where the light can enter us.

Shine on.



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